The songs of my moments

Life has been pretty rough on me lately and I just haven't felt like doing anything for the past few months, I suppose that includes writing a blog entry.
what's new? Nothing. Okay.. I'm pretty much out of a job even though I work for myself. I just lack motivation. Well, right now Im listening to Metallica and the song is Seek & Destroy. I kind of feel like something is seeking to destroy me I guess. Nah, its an awesome song!! I cant help it, Im a downer! I do honestly feel like no matter how hard I try (and try I do!) something is always out to stop me. I KNOW, its called adversity, well Im telling you I have a double dose and its been going on my entire life. So I have found out this month that Im clinically depressed. That really isn't news to me.
Okay song change.. guess what its still METALLICA!!! Harvester of Sorrow! Im telling you there was some genius going on when the album And Justice for All was recorded. Anyone who plays guitar and has a metal influence knows this. Anyway, Am I a "harvester of sorrow"? Maybe I am, but this song still kicks ass and you know it! Well most people who know me may not really realize how down I am on myself. I think I typically portray a easy going, happy guy. I could be wrong though. I am pretty down on myself, but its only because I want to be able to fix things that I cant fix. UH OH.. song change its: Ain't My Bitch off of Load... umm Im not getting into the whole when was Metallica good and when they started to suck debate.. but needless to say my favorites come before this album.. sorry I have to change the channel, but we may come back soon enough.
AH... Alice in Chains.. WOULD? Awesome song by one of my favorite bands. You know maybe it is my music that warps my whole self worth. Or is the music I like a result of my already warped feelings about myself. What "would" you say? I mean is it my problem that they just don't really make good music anymore! Im sure some of it is good but its my turn to talk so shut your pie hole!
Dang, the Gin Blossoms just took over. Its not my fault.. HEY JEALOUSY. You know this is one of the songs you love.. but you cant let anyone know it. "Tomorrow we can drive around this town.. and let the cops chase us around". YOU KNOW YOU LIKE IT. I think its funny because you know you like it too even though you are probably shaking your head right now. So do you think it would be alright if I just crash here tonight... dude.. it might not be that bad...haha. Im not really a jealous person and Im not sure if the song is really talking about a jealous person or not. What the heck is this song about? Good its almost over. ohh song change.. just keep singing this one though.
You know, only XM can go from the Gin Blossoms to... oh yes... BOB "THE FREAKING MAC DADDY" MARLEY. I remember... uh... listening to Bobby as a young impressionable chap. I swear I didnt know what was going on, it was only a contact buzz anyway. This guy is like fuel for the fire. OH its buffalo soldier, the song. One of my favorites is by Bob, he called it Redemption Song, I call it one of the best frickin' songs of all time. Lets talk about that. I mean the word redemption is such a deep word, it has so many layers... CRAP.. song change... got to play by the rules.
wow.. I have never heard this crap. The band is DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE, and the song is Soul Meets Body. Its... kind..a guuuood. It sounds like some reject Depeche Mode meets some 80's acoustic dance.. commercial, happy pill song. Im not really connecting the dots on this, I... Im just lost, this is making me MORE DEPRESSED. Thank GOD its over.
Sarah Mclachlan. Angel. I like Sarah, she makes me feel good inside. Its like looking at something so beautiful it makes you cry every time I listen to her songs. Such a good voice, and just the right notes on that piano. She has a voice that calls to you from a dark place, and it wakes you up inside. I have always liked songwriters who just tell us something in their lyrics. Just plain, and almost too simple. It explains easily the complexity of the simplest things inside us. I guess I just dont have the words a lot of times to really say how I feel anymore, so just feeling it by listening to a song can make things okay for a bit. I dont think Im the only one who feels that sometimes. AH.. new song
Cranberries. Dreams. You know the one, with all the yelling at the end, like some tribal chant thing. Thats all I caught of that one.
On to Nirvana, Aneurysm. Okay hands down one of the Greatest bands ever. Some things are fact, this is one, swallow it no matter how much you may hate it. If you dont want to, then I will help you by shoving it down your throat. So I guess my life lately has been feeling like a Aneurysm. I mean I feel like its going to explode any moment. Its all building up and Im just going to go nuts man. Im really not going to flip out, that just isnt my style is it. Im calm, Im just going to explode quietly, like when you throw up a little bit in your mouth. Oddly enough isnt that how we are with things.. we throw up a little bit and we cant tell anyone? I mean we do it with everything. What would they think, if they know (fill in the blank)? So we just swallow it especially when we are around people. Then what happens, you start to have some hell stentch from your mouth, and no one wants to talk to you. I mean if you are one of the lucky ones and it happens when you are home alone.. YEAH LIKE THAT EVER HAPPENS, you can just spit it out. I think its just worse though because then there is no spit in there to help you out, so you are rushing for a drink.. Where am I going with this... oh yeah! No matter what we choose there are benefits and consequences, some are disguised as the other, so it can get tricky. Okay I skipped a few songs here, sue me.
I haven't posted in a long time so if this is long, to all the haters... screw you. Really. You are really ticking me off. Sorry, my depression has made me go into blunt mode. Okay Bob got that one. You guys are going to start thinking I toke or something, just chill. I have made a commitment to myself to just say what I feel. I feel like I have put myself in a bad place in my life because I don't say what I really want to a lot, and its mostly to try and make things go smoothly and sacrifice myself in the process.
OH BACK TO METALLICA. ONE!! The first song I ever learned how to play on guitar. This is one of the best songs EVER, in every way. I may just have to sit the bench and cry through this song its so good. Yes, this is the one. This is the song that I am really feeling like now. Im telling you And Justice For All is one of the best Albums ever. I don't really want to die though, Im not that far gone. I just don't see how they can play a whole set with riffs like this!! I will probably never be able to play this whole song though. That is one of the things that has really been on my brain lately. Im pretty good at quite a few things, but I have never been really good or great at anything. It just sucks to feel like you don't have a purpose and at 27 its starting to pound me into the ground.
Speaking of ground Plowed just started by Sponge. This is a cool song. You know I really like depressing music. We are a world of human wreckage. I mean really people amaze me. Just when I think people cant be dumber somebody goes and does something inconceivable. Like, oh... Trying to make a right turn on green into the left most lane, but traffic is backed up in that lane for like a mile, and the right lane is completely clear, but he waits through the whole green light (blocking me from getting into the right lane) for a break in traffic forcing me into a red light. Does it make any sense to anyone else in this situation.. don't you go up the right CLEAR lane then merge left up the road? I mean, doesn't it help... oh... EVERYONE including moron #1 in Lexus. I cant even get into this or I will get worked up.
Its late and Im pretty sure this is long enough. I will try to write more later for those who may be interested.